The Future Memoir of Ann Jones Read online

  “Just call me Ele,” Elegante said.

  Ann couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen anyone in overalls, much less a woman.

  “And this is Superstition.”

  Ann stroked the silky black cat lying in Ele’s arms.

  When Ann stuck out her hand to Dona and said, “Nice to meet you,” Dona pushed passed her, pretending to chase her miniature apricot poodle.

  “Lady AdoraBelle!” Dona admonished her pet when she jumped on one of the sofas. “You are not in your own home, and you know Freda does not allow naughty girls in her house.” Dona scooped up her dog and held her closely, as the final three members arrived.

  Ann immediately recognized one of them—the cashier from the Okey Dokey Corral.

  Freda introduced Bubbles McPherson, who had ditched her red checkered top for a lime green and black zebra-print blouse and a black skirt that was about two sizes too small. Bubbles said, “I remember you. You came through my line today.” Bubbles grabbed Ann in a bear-hug. “Oh. Now you can see Tiny.” Bubbles called up the stairs, “Tiny! Where are you darlin’?”

  A Dalmatian came bounding down the stairs and stood next to his owner. Bubbles wasn’t much taller than her dog.

  Ann was amused at the scene in front of her.

  “And this is Amanda Kim,” Freda said, while patting the small pet lying in Amanda’s arms. Ann couldn’t identify the animal. With its black and gray markings, she thought it may be a baby raccoon.

  Amanda looked like a throwback to hippy days wearing a long cotton skirt, peasant top and clogs. Her long flowing silky black hair was as shiny as an oil spill.

  “Nice to meet you, Amanda.”

  “And this is Phil. He’s a bit persnickety with new people.” Amanda stroked her tiny pet’s coat.

  “Nice to meet you both. What exactly is—”

  “He’s a sugar glider. A marsupial. Nocturnal. I like to bring him, so he can have some company while he’s awake.”

  “And finally, we have Jasmine Cheese. It’s spelled like cheese but pronounced like niece—not like the smelly stuff,” Freda said.

  Clashing with her deep purple designer suit, Jasmine’s poorly-colored burgundy hair was in a tight bun high on her head. Her pumps, which matched her suit perfectly, were a better dye job than her hair. Ann admired her deep brown skin tone, it reminded her of when she and her best friend, Alex would lie in the sun and bake all day.

  “Hi, nice to meet you,” Jasmine said in a matter-of-fact tone. “My pet is upstairs. He’s my ten-year-old son, Ralph.”

  Ann didn’t know if Jasmine meant that she considered her pet to be like a son to her, or if there was truly a ten-year-old boy upstairs.

  Jasmine looked at the bag on Ann’s shoulder with yarn protruding from the top and added, “And I do not knit. Knitting is for bores! Not that it matters to this group.”

  Freda nudged Jasmine hard in the side, prompting Jasmine to turn away uninterested.

  Ann held the bag carrying her newly-purchased knitting project close to her side. She wondered why someone would join a knitting club who didn’t knit, but she thought it rude to inquire.

  After the introductions were made, Freda asked everyone to grab something to eat and take a seat. Only Ele moved toward the table. “I simply love Freda’s cooking.”

  Ann made a mental note not to ever trust Ele’s judgment. On anything.

  “I made brownies. And Ann, here, brought cookies,” Freda roared.

  Almost everyone clambered for the cookies. Dona remained in her seat. “I don’t need cookies,” Dona said. Her nose pointed toward the ceiling. “I’m watching my waistline. And some of you girls would do well to follow suit.”

  “Jasmine, would you like me to take one up to Ralph?” Ann asked, wanting to include everyone, especially a child, if there really was a child upstairs.

  “He just got done eating a gallon of ice cream,” Jasmine said bluntly. “Doesn’t need any more sweets. But I didn’t have any ice cream, so I’m going to indulge!”

  Ann took a seat on the sofa next to Dona, giving everyone else a chance to try her Grandmother’s recipe. She’d try breaking the ice with Dona in the meantime. “So, what projects are you working on?”

  “Projects?” Dona seemed disinterested in conversing with the newest member of her group.

  “Knitting project. What are you working on?”

  Dona guffawed, “Oh that. I don’t actually knit. I come for the…uh…” Dona reached over and picked up Lady AdoraBelle and concentrated on stroking her coat.

  Ann wondered what Dona was about to say. Did she come for the social interaction or the food? Because so far, Dona didn’t seem interested in either.

  Gloria sat on the sofa next to Ann and said, “Oh Ann, this is simply the best biscuit I’ve ever tasted. So soft and squidgy inside and crispy on the outside. Do share the recipe, would you love?”

  The women chanted in unison as they had each taken a bite, “Mmm.”

  “Will you bring them every week?” Bubbles asked.

  “Shazam!” Amanda agreed.

  “I think I’m in love,” Jasmine said.

  “You fall in love every other week,” Dona hissed.

  “I must agree. These are just like falling in love,” Ele said.

  Ann noticed the only two women not eating the treats she brought were Mindy, who sat in her chair staring at Testudo, and Dona. Ann was thrilled she’d made something most of them enjoyed. It was important to her to get to know these women, and she’d always bought into the saying, “The mouth is where the heart is.”

  “You could start your own business with this recipe alone,” Michelle said.

  Ann had never considered doing such a thing. She didn’t know the first thing about starting a business. And with her luck in finding a job, she figured opening a business would be just as successful, if not worse.

  “Hmpf,” Dona snorted, setting Lady AdoraBelle on the floor. “Let me see what all this fuss is about.” She snatched one of the few remaining cookies with a napkin and took a tiny bite.

  “I still think I like your brownies better,” Ele said, touching Freda’s shoulder.

  “I wouldn’t know, Sugar. Never eat my own cooking.”

  Amanda, who sat next to Mindy, leaned over and whispered, “They’re scrumptious, Min, not like Freda’s. Wanna try?”

  Mindy shook her head. “Can’t.”

  Ann noticed the murmuring and listened intently, not meaning to pry, but she was interested in finding out why Mindy couldn’t eat the cookies.

  Amanda looked puzzled, “Did you have a colossal dinner before coming tonight?”

  “Remember?” Mindy said, staring into her turtle’s bowl. “I have celiac disease. I can’t eat gluten.” And with her chin sinking even further toward her chest, “I doubt these are gluten free.”

  “Ann, dear, you didn’t happen to make these delicious concoctions gluten free, and all that rigmarole, did you?” Amanda asked.

  “Sorry, I wasn’t aware, Mindy.” Ann made a mental note to find out what gluten free was all about.

  Mindy lifted her head with a smile that made Eeyore look happy, and said, “That’s okay.”

  Dona spoke quickly as if it pained her to say it, “Nice flavor. Crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside. Yes, perhaps you do have something here.”

  “What she has,” Amanda announced, “is a winner!”

  The women agreed. Before taking her seat again, Dona covertly placed another cookie in her napkin and folded it over.

  “You don’t have to hide that cookie from us,” Freda outed her, “we’re all family here.”

  Ann sensed Freda was correct. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she felt a closeness; no, more precisely, some sort of bond or connection among these women. She hoped to be a part of that bond one day. But little did she know, she was already bound to the group, and no matter how much she wished, there was no breaking it.

  When they were all seated, Freda
directed, “Let’s go around and say a little bit about ourselves. Maybe something unique or interesting. I’ll start. I’m Freda. I’m the cafeteria manager at the Burrburgh High school.”

  Ann’s eyebrows shot up. She thought back to Freda’s chocolate cake and wondered how many students Freda had sent to the nurse’s office over the years.

  “Something interesting, hmmm,” she paused. “Well, I always wanted to be a swim suit model.”

  Dona snickered as Freda turned to her left to allow the next woman a turn.

  “Hi, I’m Ele. But well, we’ve already met.” She gave a little giggle and tugged at her overalls, then squirmed in her chair. “I just love Freda’s cooking. And I coach the girls’ softball team at the same school where Freda works. I know it might sound strange, but I love cafeteria food.”

  “You always say that, Love. Now do tell us something we don’t know,” Gloria said, rolling her eyes.

  “Fine,” Ele said in a huff, “did you know I’m wearing mis-matched shoes?” She stuck out her feet in front of her, revealing one black sneaker and one white sneaker.

  Freda howled and slapped her hand on her knee.

  Ann laughed more at Freda’s outburst than at Ele’s mismatched shoes.

  Ele turned to Jasmine, in hopes she’d quiet everyone down.

  “I’m Jasmine. I’m a paralegal. And my life is a complete bore. But, one day, I’m going to find me a man and travel the world! Next.” Jasmine crossed her arms over her chest and abruptly turned to Michelle.

  “Well, I suppose that means it’s my turn. I’m Michelle. I’m glad you’re here with us. I retired from banking a few years ago. I have four adorable grandchildren in Florida.” Michelle chuckled; then explained, “I find it ironic that I’m the retired one living up north, and my kids and grands are the ones living in Florida.”

  “Have you ever heard of a snowbird?” Dona snapped.

  Michelle glared at her, then gave a slightly longer pause than was comfortable. “You know I can’t do that.” She turned to Mindy.

  Mindy held tightly onto her turtle bowl, as her hands quivered nervously. She never looked up, not even a glance. “I’m Mindy. I was only married for a year before…”

  Bubbles gasped, and Mindy quickly changed the subject, “I change tires and batteries!”

  Amanda was next. “Okay, then. I’m Amanda,” she smiled at Ann. “Welcome to our group. I hope you like it here. I’ve been gallivanting in Burrburgh for a while. I’m from New York, where my two grown kids live.” Amanda opened a pill bottle and shook a tiny white pill into her hand and threw it into her mouth, as she handed the reins to Bubbles.

  Gloria leaned in to Ann and whispered, “For anxiety.” Ann nodded.

  “Well, I’m Bubbles. But you already know that. I have a secret nobody knows.”

  Crossing her legs and sitting sideways in her seat on the couch, Dona said in a disinterested mockery, “Oh do tell.”

  “My boss, Pete. He’s just the cutest, nicest, kindest man in the whole wide world. Well,” Bubbles’ cheeks flushed, “he talked to me today. I think he’s sweet on me.” Bubbles held her head up high, excited about her big news.

  Ann wanted to gag. That big oaf from the Okey Dokey Corral was not nice; and how badly Bubbles must have been treated in her life to think this man was anything but a dough blob, was just plain sad.

  “Is that all?” Dona asked as if the news was hardly news.

  “Is that all?” Freda admonished Dona. “She’s been trying to get that man to talk to her for over a year.” Then she turned to Bubbles and said, “That is good news, now you just go on and be happy for yourself.”

  “What did he say to you?” Mindy asked timidly, still not taking her eyes off her turtle.

  “He said, ‘Hey Bubbles, what’s up?’” Bubbles couldn’t contain her enthusiasm. She looked like she wanted to stand on her chair and shout.

  Before Dona could say a word, Freda nudged her, stifling another sarcastic remark. Turning to Gloria, Freda barked, “Gloria, you’re up.”

  “Ann and I already know each other a bit. I sold her the house she’s residing in,” Gloria said. “We traded emails for a while until she flew in for her settlement papers last month.”

  “Yes,” Ann said. “And I love it. And another thing I love, which has been extremely useful, is that phone book you made.”

  “Quite glad,” Gloria said, patting Ann on her elbow.

  Ann took her queue to introduce herself when the group turned in her direction. “I’m Ann. Hi,” she gave a slight wave to the group. “I’m from the West Coast. I’m recently widowed.”

  Bubbles gasped again and quickly diverted her eyes. She sat up straight in her chair.

  “I have two kids—twins. In college, at UC Berkeley. And…” Ann couldn’t think of anything interesting to say, so she said, “It’s so nice to meet all of you, and I’m really glad that Freda invited me tonight because I like to knit.”

  Jasmine gave out a slight snort, and all eyes glared in her direction.

  Ann turned to Dona to relinquish the floor.

  Dona stroked Lady AdoraBelle’s fur, took a dramatic pause making everyone wait, and then said, “Everyone here already knows, but I was married to the mayor of Burrburgh.”

  “Was,” Ann said, “are you divorced?”

  “He’s dead,” Dona announced harshly.

  Bubbles gasped again, and Ann began to think Bubbles might have some sort of breathing disorder.

  Freda admonished Dona with a stern stare, and Dona quickly changed the subject. “I’m 40 years old.” A few women cleared their throats. “And I detest everything about this town. There. I’ve said my piece.”

  “Very well,” Freda said turning to Ann. “You ready to join?”

  Ann thought it a bit odd they hadn’t really had a session yet and Freda was already asking for a commitment. She wondered if Freda was trying to get dues out of her or something. But she looked around at the eclectic personalities of the women surrounding her. Why not? These women could become her new clique. She had left her best friend, Alex, on the West Coast and she’d need more than one woman to fill Alex’s shoes—these nine women just might fulfill the requirement. “Sure,” she said, “I’d love to join.”

  Ann didn’t know it then, but it didn’t matter what her decision was, it had already been made for her. Just as her house hadn’t simply popped up as the first item on her Internet search list by accident; Burrburgh had called to her.

  “Good.” Freda stood over Ann. In a tone not unlike a drill sergeant, she demanded, “Now stand up and raise your right hand.”

  Ann complied but had no idea there would be a formal initiation. She had always thought being in a sorority would be so much fun. This felt like what she imagined a sorority was like. She thought about asking if hazing was involved, but something told her not to interrupt the ceremony.

  “Repeat after me,” Freda ordered in a dark tone.

  Ann’s smile faded as she obeyed, wondering what all the formality was about.

  Jasmine leaned over and whispered to Ele, “This is where she gets the What happens in Knitting Club, stays in Knitting Club speech.”

  Michelle hushed Jasmine before Freda even got half way turned around to give Jasmine a frightening look.

  “Now, where was I?” Freda composed herself. “Yes, I solemnly swear to never repeat what is said in Knitting Club.”

  Ann thought it was a joke. What kind of knitting club was this, where you had to take an oath not to divulge a conversation that involved knit one, purl two?

  Ann’s hesitation didn’t sit well with Freda. She balled her fists and growled, “Say it!”

  Ann saw the look of utter seriousness on Freda’s face and spewed, “I promise to never repeat what is said in Knitting Club.”

  “No, no, no!” Freda stomped her foot. “I solemnly swear,” she paused giving Ann a chance to repeat it correctly this time.

  “I solemnly swear,” Ann said, bewildered at
the bizarre-ness of it all.

  “To never,” Freda emphasized the word ‘never’, even though in her original statement, there was no such emphasis, “repeat what is said in Knitting Club.”

  Ann quickly rolled through it and sat back down; but Freda remained standing in front of her. “To anyone. Not even your sisters. Do you understand?”

  Ann nodded in agreement. Since Ann didn’t have any sisters, she had only one sibling, a brother, that wouldn’t be a problem for her. She looked around the circle, but all heads were bowed. She figured they were just bored, since they’d heard it all before.

  “There are rules. Never to be broken.” Freda looked Ann directly in the eye, and said, “Number one rule— never miss Knitting Club.”

  Ann wondered, but not for long, what the consequences of missing a session might be, but Freda broke into her thoughts with, “Deadly consequences.”

  Oh, is that all? Ann thought it might be something more serious like you’d be responsible for hosting the next meeting or be forced to eat more of Freda’s cooking.

  The look on Freda’s face made Ann realize she was serious, which also made Ann want to burst out laughing. She looked around the circle, but no one was laughing. All heads remained lowered. How can these women take blankets and scarves so seriously? After all, it’s just knitting.

  But it wasn’t just knitting. Knitting had very little to do with this knitting club.

  “What are the other rules?” Ann wanted to know, since the first one was so pleasant.

  Freda sat back down and relaxed her demeanor. “There are but two more.”

  Ann looked expectantly at Freda for the answer.

  “In time, Ann.”

  Chapter 7

  As Ann sat on Freda’s couch, she wondered when the group was going to start knitting. She’d been at Freda’s for half an hour so far, and she was anxious to get started on her new project.